Encounters With Weakémon
by Nekonezume
Summary: A totally stupid but very funny fic I wrote once when I was bored. Chapters 1-5 in here.
1. Chapter 1

--DISCLAIMER--  
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.  
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...  
  
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 1  
  
Jesse looked up from the fashion magazine she was reading and looked directly at James.  
"Well Jesse? What do you think? Should I go with the blue rose or the white rose?" he asked,  
posing with a rose in each hand.  
"Damn it, James! Do you think I really CARE which rose you hold for five damned seconds!? I   
don't really give a shit!" James looked disappointed.  
"Fine... I won't use any roses..." he said sadly.  
"Good!" said Jesse, getting back to her magazine. "It makes you look gay." James looked   
surprised.  
"So finally we hear the truth!" he yelled, seeming VERY pissed off. "Well I don't really give   
a-"  
"Would you two shut the hell up!? I'm tryin' to sleep here!" Meowth yelled in reply to the   
frantic screaming James was doing. James got really pissed and left the campsite to go down by  
the lake. He splashed water on his face, then looked at his reflection. Suddenly, an orange fish  
flopped up and hit James in the face, making him even MORE pissed off.  
"DAMMIT! STUPID BITCH!" he threw the fish into a tree.   
"Kaaaarp! Kaaaarp!" wailed the fish. James felt bad and captured it.  
"I was just pissed... and that hurt... a lot..." he grumbled, clutching the PokéBall. Then he  
remembered... he had just caught a Magikarp. "Aww, shit!" he yelled. "What the hell am I gonna   
do with a Magikarp!?"  
  
**()**  
  
Billine, Jed, Selene, and Luke were walking down a narrow path toward some city. Billine was  
looking (lost) at the map.  
"Shit... where are we?" she asked, her blue eyes hidden behind purple shades. She tossed her  
fuschia hair over her shoulders, and a strand of hair fell from one of her catlike buns. She heard   
a rustling in the bushes, and turned to check out what it was. "Wait! Shh!" she whispered to the  
others. They stopped abruptly.  
"Something wrong, Billine?" asked Jed. Billine squinted and saw a figure in the bushes.  
"SHIT! THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING US!" she screamed. Everyone looked in her direction, and a   
small, unidentified Pokémon walked out of the bushes.  
"Huh? What the hell is that?" said Jed, pointing his PokéDex to the thing. It looked like a  
smaller version of a Rattata, with an uglier look on its face, it was bright green (with ugly  
brown smudges on its fur) and its teeth were much smaller. The PokéDex lit up.  
"This is not a Pokémon," said the PokéDex.  
"Huh!?" said Luke. "Then what the fuck is it!?" the PokéDex droned on.  
"This is a Weakémon. Weakémon are capable of doing practically nothing. Their best attacks are:  
Tackle." Jed looked surprised. "You need a WeakBall to capture it, but no one knows who would  
WANT to capture these dumb things." Luke laughed and threw a rock at the little rat. It keeled  
over and died. Luke quickly put on his black shades and put his hands deep in his pockets.  
"Shit... remind me never to through another rock at something like that again..." Selene picked  
up a nearby stick and poked at the dead green rat. It was indeed, very dead.   
"Heh... Luke, you really are dense." she laughed. She tossed the stick into the woods, then   
heard a loud THUMP. She ran into the woods and found a big mass of transparent purple jelly with  
two closed eyes and big, fat red lips (the eyes were closed). It was lying on its side.  
"Looks like you killed one too, Selene." snorted Luke.   
"Just great..." groaned Selene. She picked up the stick that had put the jelly to its misory  
and poked it. Its fat body jiggled a little then stopped. "Gross... this must be another   
Weakémon..." Jed shrugged.  
"I wanna find out more about these stupid things," he said. He went back on the path and headed  
to the city (wherever they were headed). The others followed.  
  
**()**  
  
James walked back into the campsite and walked into a tent.  
"James? What the hell are you doing?" asked Jesse. James came back out, dressed in blue jeans   
and a black t-shirt.  
"I'm quitting Team Rocket! You and Meowth treat me like shit! Goodbye!" he shouted at Jesse.  
The girl shrugged and returned to her fashion magazine.  
"I'm glad to see you go. Later."  
  
James set off with his suitcase in tow, and followed a path that was leading to nowhere he  
knew of, but he didn't give a crap. He kept walking for a few miles, and saw a city ahead.  
*Thank God,* he thought. *I won't have to starve much longer...* he stopped at a nearby Pokémon  
Center.  
"Can you please heal my Magikarp?" he asked the nurse at the counter, and placed the PokéBall  
on the glass. The nurse snorted.  
"Magikarp? Heh heh..." she took the PokéBall and chuckled her way to the ER room. James huffed  
and sat down. "Bitch," he said to himself. Just then, four teenagers, about James's age entered,  
each of them carrying something dead. One of them (a boy with spiky brown hair and sunglasses)   
held a dead green rat, and a pretty girl with blond hair was carrying a big purple blob with eyes  
and a fat mouth. James suddenly had the urge to kick the two creatures, but decided not to.  
The boy and girl tossed the things on the glass counter and waited for the critical nurse to   
enter. When she did, she looked at the two dead Weakémon, and started to laugh.  
"W-Weakémon?" she was holding her side, and beginning to tear up at the eyes. "Y-you brought   
me Weakémon!? They're dead! I can't heal them!" Selene rolled her eyes.  
"Listen up, you critical bitch, they may be dead, but they were alive once, and we wanna know  
what the fuck they are, and if you don't help us, you can take your little nurse job and cram  
it up your ass 'coz you won't have it no more! Now are you gonna help us, or are you gonna sit  
around laughing like a jackass!?" The nurse looked surprised. "Isn't you name Joy? Well it should  
be Pain N. T. Ass! Now get us a print out on Weakémon before I REALLY get mad!" the nurse gulped  
and ran out the room. Minutes later, she handed each of the teens a panphlet on Weakémon, and  
she had James's PokéBall in her hand.  
"Here's your Magikarp... I'm wishing for it to evolve for you soon..." she said, her face was  
pure white, from fear of what Selene had said to her. James nodded, and was about to leave, when-  
"Hey you, dude with the blue hair," said Billine, obviously referring to James. James turned  
around, and Billine continued. "How 'bout you come with us? We're on a quest to find Weakémon.  
How's it sound?" James looked confused.  
"What's a Weakémon?" he asked. Jed passed him the panphlet with a picture of an ugly bright  
pink mouse with scruffy hair, huge teeth, and squinty eyes.  
"Read up on 'em," said Jed. Billine looked at James. "So? You gonna come with us?" she asked   
hopefully. James looked at the ceiling, thinking, then smiled broadly at Billine.   
"Sure, I'll go!" he said, attaching his Magikarp's PokéBall to his belt. The five teenagers  
left the center and went in search of something to eat.  
  
An hour later, they had all eaten, and were full.   
"So, blue boy," Billine began flirtaciously, leering at James from beneath her purple   
sunglasses. "What's your real name? Got a girlfriend?" James felt slightly uncomfortable, but  
recovered.  
"My name is James, former Team Rocket member." he sighed. Billine nibbled on the straw   
from the Slurpee she was holding in her hands and a small grin formed at the corner of her  
mouth.  
"Team Rocket, huh? So, did you quit or what?" she was extremely interested, she had liked this  
guy from the start. Jed glanced at them, totally jealous. He always really liked Billine, but  
he didn't have the guts to tell her. James sighed again, he was beginning to be frustrated with   
this girl.  
"Yeah, I quit." he said. "Look, would you mind if we stopped talking about this?" Billine  
grinned a little.  
"Kay!" she giggled. James already didn't like her; she was too damn flirty, and he hated that.  
Just then, another one of those stupid Weakémon popped out of a bush.  
"Lingo!" it cried. It was a fat yellow sphere that rolled instead of walked, it had a creepy,  
big red mouth that was always open, and its eyes took on the shape of an egg (color, bright  
green). Jed pointed his PokéDex at the thing.  
"Lingo, another Weakémon. Attacks: Tackle." Luke smirked and picked up a rock.  
"Luke..." said Selene, giving him a warning look.   
"You never let me have my fun," sighed Luke. Jed got a WeakBall from his belt and captured it.  
"JED!" screamed Luke. "What the fuck did you do that for!? We don't need a damned Weakémon with  
us! I wanted to kill the thing!" Jed put one hand up.  
"Relax," he said. "We'll find out a way to destroy all of 'em. They're a threat to mankind.  
They're ugly and they can't do anything right, it's kind of sad." Luke's face held the same  
expression.  
"But why don't we kill 'em all now while we can?" he asked.  
"Bloodthirsty piece of shit." muttered Selene, kicking Luke in the shins.  
"Bitch!" he called after her as she ran behind Jed and stuck her tongue out at Luke.  
"The reason we can't kill them now," Jed continued. "Is because we haven't found out why they're  
a threat to mankind." Luke blinked a few times.  
"They're a threat to mankind 'coz they're so damn ugly! Dammit! Why can't you say anyhing  
right!?" he shouted.   
"Look, Luke..." Jed and Luke continued fighting until another Weakémon bounced over. James   
sighed and threw a rock at it, for fun, and it promptly died. An expression of panic crept up  
on his face, and he screamed.  
"I killed it! I killed it! AAAAAH!" Luke laughed.  
"Way to go Jaaaames! Score one for anti-Weakémons!" Selene kicked Luke in the shins again.  
  
**()**  
  
"Master, the plans?" asked a cloaked figure in a misty voice.  
"Yes... we will fool these stupid humans with the Weakémons's weak appearances - the robots,  
then continue on with the true Weakémon. We will then DESTROY the world! HUAHAHAHAHA!" cackled  
a second figure, sitting in a large chair (like a throne, but not quite). The cloaked figure  
smiled slightly, the only characteristic visable underneath his cloak.  
"They will see that names can be decieving! HUAHAHAHAHAHAH!" he laughed.  
"Fuck off, that's my laugh."  
  
**()**  
  
Jed threw the WeakBall containing Lingo. Lingo popped out and rolled around, going "Liiin!   
Liiin!" Luke attempted to kick it, but it rolled away too quickly, so he landed flat on his ass.  
"Look, Jed, what makes you think this ugly thing is different from all the other Weakémon  
we've killed so far?" he asked, standing up and rubbing his ass. Jed shrugged.  
"It's just... when I saw it... I felt something, you know?" Luke made a face.  
"You mean the feeling of utter revolt when you look at that creepy thing?" Selene picked up  
Lingo.  
"Shut up!" she shouted. "It's kind of cute!" Luke coughed, then started laughing... really,  
really hard. He fell over.  
"C-c-cute!? What the fuck have you been smoking!?" he howled. He stood up, clutching his side.  
Lingo looked at him and its smile faded into an angry frown. It jumped out of Selene's arms and  
into Luke's, and did a good Explosion attack. Luke, no longer looking cool, had his shades cracked  
and his entire body was pure black. He coughed out some black smoke. The other four people started  
to laugh insanely at Luke's misfortune.  
"THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE FUCKMONKEY!!!" screamed Luke, picking up a nearby rock. He threw it at  
Lingo with all the force of hate at his side. The rock bounced off Lingo as if it was a rubber   
ball.  
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" he ran over and kicked the bright yellow sphere, and it did another Explosion  
attack. Suddenly, something dawned on Jed.  
"You guys, this can't be a Weakémon," he said. He pointed his PokéDex at the thing again, but  
it clearly stated that Lingo was a Weakémon who knew nothing besides Tackle. "Hmmm..." said Jed.  
"Something weird is really going on here. Come on, Lingo, let's keep walking." Lingo smiled  
at its master, and continued to roll along beside him.  
  
**()**  
  
Back at the place with those two creepy people, the man sitting in the big chair was looking at  
a screen.  
"Shit! Looks like the REAL Lingo escaped... and those stupid kids found it! They're not SUPPOSED  
to have trainers!" the man lit up a cigar. "No matter. I'll have to unleash the REAL Weakémon   
before schedule, then. Cloaked Figure!" the cloaked figure from before glanced at the man in the  
chair. "Send out the Weakémon!... the real ones." an evil grin spread across his face, and his  
cigar fell out of his mouth and burnt his leg. "OW OW OW!! SHIT!"  
  
**()**  
  
As they continued ahead, the teenagers saw many more Weakémon (most of which Luke killed), but   
one in particular that now belonged to Selene; it's name was Bighead, and it was the pink mouse  
from the panphlet. It was one of the strong Weakémon. Luke growled.  
"What the hell are we gonna do with these things!?" he shouted. Everyone pretended like they  
didn't hear him. "Yo!" he shouted, still attempting at attention. Everyone still ignored him.  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? ARRGHH!!!" he picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could  
at Bighead. Bighead got hit with it, and it only felt like a tap. It still pissed him off. He  
turned around (damn! If looks could kill!) and ran to Luke. He did Hyper Fang attack on him, and  
Luke started bleeding.  
"SHIT!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT THAT REALLY HURT!!!" he kicked Bighead, knocking it into Selene's back.  
"Watch where you're kicking, bastard!" she screamed, throwing Bighead back at him. "Bite him  
again, Bighead." she grumbled. Bighead then used Super Fang on Luke's arm. Luke angrily pried the  
big-headed bright pink mouse off him and set it gently on the ground.  
"Don't touch me, I won't touch you." he grumbled. Bighead smiled a remotely cute smile and   
walked back to his master. The group then noticed that a tunnel was ahead.  
"Should we go in?" asked Jed. The others nodded.  
"Oooh! It's so scary!" wailed Billine, burrying her fce in James's chest. James sighed and shoved  
her away.  
"If you want something to hold onto, I've got a Weezing in this PokéBall." he said, removing  
a PokéBall from his belt and showing it to Billine. Billine's eyes grew wide.  
"N-no thanks..." she replied, and got back to walking. They saw a few Pokémon inside; a Jynx  
(which Billine captured), a few Zubat ("Oooh James! I'm so scared of bats!"), and a Rattata, when  
finally they found another Weakémon. It was an orange cat with wide, green eyes. Luke (of course)  
threw a rock at it.   
"Whoooaaa maaan!" shouted the cat. Everyone was astonished; the thing could speak! "Watch  
wheeere yer throwin' that damn thing!" James leaned over to talk to it.  
"You can talk?" he asked.  
"Sher." said the cat. "Allll us REAL Weakémon can talk. Yoooooooooo Bighead! Heyyyyyyy Lingo!"  
Lingo and Bighead went over to see the cat.  
"Hi Catnip!" they said in unison.  
"Lingo!" shouted Jed. "You didn't tell me you could talk!" Lingo bounced.  
"You never asked." it replied.  
"What I'm interested in is what Catnip means by 'real Weakémon'." said James. Catnip smirked.  
"Ya hooomans got two Weakémon, and ya don't know wut I mean? You gahs shuddah told 'em!" he said,  
glancing at Lingo and Bighead. "Well, if oneaya captures me, I'll explain the whole damn thing."  
James grinned; this cat reminded him a little of Meowth, although he liked Meowth much less.  
"I'm taking this one," said James, taking a WeakBall from Jed. He captured Catnip then let  
him outta the ball.  
"Yeh see," began Catnip, staggering slightly as he walked. "Those bastards that first discovered  
how powerful we Weakémon really are decided to find an' capture the lot of us. When he did, he  
made robot clone-type pieces of shit that looked and acted exactly like us, only they were so  
fuckin' weak you couldn' touch 'em without 'em dyin'. So we all escaped b'fore that asshole could  
send us out ta wreck havoc on da world so he could control it. Th' real Weakémon are stronger   
than most Pokémon, so our name don' make much sense... but we three an' two more real Weakémon  
escaped so we could tell the world." Everyone agreed they would help the real Weakémon to kill  
off all the bad ones.  
"See! SEE! I told you guys they were a danger to our health!" shouted Luke. Everyone sighed and  
told Luke he was right.  
  
**()**  
  
"Dammit! Now they've found Bighead and Catnip too! Well, let's make most of the REAL Weakémon   
be waiting at the end of the tunnel for then, shall we, Cloaked Figure?" the Cloaked Figure   
nodded a sinister nod and exited the room.  
"Now," began the man in the chair, an evil grin quickly spreading across his face. "The REAL   
fun begins."  
  
**()**  
  
The five teens and their three Weakémon ran into a part in the cave where the ceiling was much  
higher and the place was almost like a dome, is also had a large pool of water in the center.  
They stopped to take a break from walking. Catnip grabbed a brown bag out of nowhere and took a  
small morsel of something out of it. He put it in his mouth.  
"Whooooa! Holy shit! Somebody bring me a cat toy!" he said happily, dazed. Selene looked   
confused.  
"What the hell is he eating?" she asked Bighead. Bighead started to laugh.  
"He's always high off catnip." he stated. "He brings it everywhere."  
"...so THAT explains why he's always staggering while he walks..." Catnip snuggled up to Selene.  
"Hey, sweet thang, how 'bout you an' me takin' somma this stuff... in my bed... tonight..." he  
started to purr.  
"Get offa me!" shouted Selene, pushing him away.  
Just then, a huge roar was heard, and a HUMUNGOUS (I'm talkin' fifty fuckin' feet here!) dragon  
emerged from the pool in the center. It was pretty fat.  
"SHIT!!!" shouted Bighead. "That's Fatdragon!"  
  
~*END OF PART ONE*~  
  
Hoho. Wasn't that the dumbest thing you ever read? Part 2 comin' soon! 


	2. Chapter 2

--DISCLAIMER--  
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.  
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...  
  
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 2  
  
Everyone stood up at the sight of FatDragon, they were scared shitless. Selene and Luke were   
hugging eachother for dear life, Jed attempted to hug Billine, who just buried her face into   
James' chest, and the Weakémon were huddled in a corner (except for Catnip, who was too high to  
care). Then, Luke had an idea.  
"Hey, FatDragon," he taunted, picking up a rock. "Are you real?" FatDragon roared again and ran-  
really really slowly-towards the teens. Jed took out his PokéDex.  
"Tackle; FatDragon's only attack." remarked the machine. Luke smirked. "I thought so." he said.  
He removed Selene's arms from around his neck and threw the rock at the thing. It hit right where  
its nuts would be, and it fell over with a loud BANG! Luke laughed.  
"Piece of cake." he added. Selene walked over and gave him a looooong French kiss.   
"Damn, woman!" he said after a few minutes. "You haven't kissed me like that since..."  
They decided to keep walking. Selene had her hand in Luke's back pocket.  
"It's good to see you two actually acting like a couple again," said Jed. "You two haven't   
kissed like that since..."  
"You know who I'd like to be a couple with," cooed Billine, innterrupting. She walked over to  
James and put her hand in his back pocket. James was VERY uncomfortable with this. "You, Jamie."  
James was starting to sweat; this girl was too much.  
"D-don't call me Jamie..." he groaned. Billine giggled.  
"Not much for petnames? Well, you can call me Billie." she flirted. James sighed.  
"OK... whatever..." he said. The group found the ending to the tunnel and exited. When they got  
out, they noticed it was dark outside.  
"Shit! Am I ever hungry!" groaned Luke. Jed took off his backpack and took out some sushi, they  
all ate. Luke then glanced at his watch. He stretched and yawned.   
"Aaah... time for bed..." he began, putting his arm around Selene. He grinned slyly at her. "You  
with me, Lene?" Selene grinned slyly back.  
"Hell yeah!" the two grabbed a tent from Jed's backpack and set it up quickly. Then they   
unpacked their own backpacks, grabbed the sleeping bags from them, and ran into the tent. James  
grabbed a tent and set it up.  
"Oh Jaaames... you're SO romantic!" giggled Billine. "So I'M gonna get to sleep with you   
tonight?" Jed fumed. James looked really annoyed.  
"Uh, yeah, I guess..." he said. The tent in which Selene and Luke were "sleeping" in started  
to shake violently, and loud moans and groans could be heard.  
"Aaayyy..." muttered Catnip drunkenly. "Wuttabout me?" Jed sighed.  
"Eww..." he said. James suddenly had an idea.  
"Hey Billine," he began. "If you're gonna sleep in the same tent as me, who's Jed gonna sleep   
beside? He'll be all alone." *Thank you, James!* thought Jed. James was really just trying to get  
rid of Billine. Billine shrugged.  
"He can sleep with the Weakémon." she said.  
"Yeaaaah baaaby!" shouted Catnip. Jed was horrified.  
"Yup... sorry 'bout it Jed, but I gotta sleep with this hunk of man." giggled Billine, nudging  
herself toward James. James sighed.   
"Well, how about you go make yourself useful and set up a tent for Jed?" he inquired. Billine   
giggled again.  
"Kay!" and ran off to pitch the tent. Jed then approached James.  
"Don't touch her." he said. James looked confused.  
"Huh?" he asked.  
"You know," continued Jed. "Billine. Don't touch her."  
"I don't want her!" shouted James. "She's hanging off me like a fuckin' tree ornament! I don't  
even like her! As a matter of fact, I can't stand her! YOU can have her, seeing as you like her   
so much! I'll even HELP you get with her!" Jed looked surprised.  
"You don't want her? Really?" James nodded. "THANKS man! If you help get her to like me, I'll  
keep her as far away as you want!"  
"Now we're getting somewhere." said James.  
  
**()**  
  
*AUTHOR'S NOTE: Back by popular demand, it's CLOAKED FIGURE!*  
  
"AAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Cloaked Figure, releasing all the REAL Weakémon. "Soon, those stupid  
teenagers will be dead... dead... DEAD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH *cough cough*... dammit, I really  
have to quit smoking."  
  
**()**  
  
Much later, everyone was in their tents. There was still some shaking going on in Luke and  
Selene's tent ("Ohhhh yes, Luke! YES!!!"), and it was keeping everyone awake. Billine was   
pretending to sleep, but James was staring at the top of the tent, wide awake. Billine opened  
her eyes and grinned mischieviously.  
"Can't sleep?" she said in an innocent tone. James shook his head. Billine moved her sleeping  
bag closer and closer to James. "Me neither." she added.  
"Well no shit," replied James in an almost angry tone. "With those two having sex in the other  
tent, it would keep anyone awake." Billine nodded in agreement, then shivered.  
"Damn, I'm cold," she said. "James, will you hold me?" James sighed, but decided not to be too  
rude, and put his arm around the girl, who snuggled in closer. *This feels kind of nice...* he  
thought, then remembered Jed, and pushed the girl away.  
"Something wrong, Jamie?" she asked.  
"Don't call me Jamie." he grumbled.  
  
In the other tent, Jed was attempting to sleep with the Weakémon. He didn't mind Lingo, who was  
already asleep, but Bighead and Catnip were playing Asshole with a deck of cards that they had  
found in Jed's backpack. *I hope nothing's happening with James and Billine... but he seems like  
the kind of guy who keeps his word...* he thought.  
"ASSHOLE!" shouted Catnip, throwing a card on the ground.  
"Dammit!" cursed Bighead. "That's the fifth time you won! Fuck!" Catnip shrugged.  
"Well, I know some stuff." he said, popping more catnip. "Wooooo!" Jed sighed.  
"Will you guys go to bed now?" Bighead and Catnip shook their heads. Jed groaned. "Why the hell  
not?"  
"Listen to them!" yelled Catnip, referring to Selene and Luke. "No one can sleep with those  
two fuckin' in the other tent!" Jed agreed.  
"Keep playing." he sighed.  
  
And in the other tent... you don't wanna know what was happening.  
  
The next morning, everybody was REALLY tired, except for Lingo, who had managed to get some   
sleep.  
"How the hell did you do that?" grumbled Bighead. Lingo smiled, being friendly as ever.  
"My ears only work when I want them to." he said. Selene giggled, her hand still in Luke's   
back pocket.  
"WE had a good sleep last night," she offered with a wink to Luke. Billine rolled her eyes.  
"And don't think we didn't hear you." she muttered. Selene blushed, a really, REALLY deep red  
(almost purple) and so did Luke.  
"Y-you could hear us?" asked Luke. Everyone nodded. They both put on a pair of shades and sunk  
their hands deep into their own pockets.  
"Anyway," groaned James sleepily. "Should we keep going? Finding more Weakémon?" everyone   
nodded, and they set off.  
  
**()**  
  
"Well, Cloaked Figure, have all the Weakémon been sent out?" asked The Guy In The Big Chair.  
Cloaked Figure came out of the shadows.  
"Yes, they have all been sent out." he replied. The Guy let out his signature laugh.   
"Hah! Good!... you may go have your smoke break now, Cloaked Figure." he boomed.  
"Yesss!" laughed Cloaked Figure. He left the room.  
  
**()**  
  
The five and their Weakémon had been walking for a LONG time when they found another one of   
those things that looked like big blobs of jelly, called GrapeJelly. Luke threw a rock at it. The  
body jiggled, but the rock bounced off.  
"Hey!" shouted the blob. "Watch where you're throwin' that thing!" Billine giggled.  
"She's like a Jynx, SO cool! I gotta capture her! Jeddy, can I borrow a WeakéBall?" Jed smiled  
and handed the girl the WeakéBall.  
"Thanks," she said, giving Jed a kiss on the cheek (James had been getting the two closer   
together since that morning) and Jed blushed a little. Billine threw the WeakéBall and captured  
it, then let it out.  
"That was weird." said the thing. "Don't do that again."  
  
They walked for a few more hours (Billine getting closer and closer to Jed along the way) until  
they found Luke's Weakémon; Scruffat, one of the bright green rats he had killed before. They  
also decided it was time for a rest and a snack (the Weakémon were famished).   
"I've noticed that we've been finding more Weakémon than Pokémon around here," said Selene. "I  
wonder why that is." just then, a Persian walked out of the woods.  
"CRAP!" screamed Luke, running behind Selene. "PERSIANS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" The Persian  
meowed, then fell over. It had a huge slash in its side!  
"I wonder what happened!" cried Selene, running toward it. "The poor thing!" it certainly  
wasn't dead, just fainted. Luke was still cowering behind her. Selene turned around and pulled  
off his shirt.  
"Rowr!" purred Luke. "Fiesty!" Selene used the shirt to cover the Persian's gigantic wound.   
"Hey!"  
"Luke," began Selene. "It's hurt! I've got to-"  
"My Persian!" shouted a deep, English voice. Giovanni from the Viridian Gym ran over and held  
his Persian in his arms.  
*AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just when you though you knew who The Guy In the Big Chair was!*  
"What happened, Giovanni?" asked Selene in a very surprised tone. Giovanni sighed.  
"Some big ugly thing came over and took a slice out of my Persian," he said. "I didn't   
notice what or who it..."  
"We've gotta take it to a PokéCenter! Whatever that stupid bitch was that hurt Persian here  
must be pretty damn strong!" yelled Selene. Giovanni rolled his eyes.  
"No shit!" he shouted. "Please! Help my Persian!" Selene nodded.  
"We'll do what we can." she said. She picked up the Persian and carried it over her shoulders.  
Luke squealed.  
"How can you touch that fuckin' thing? It's a God damn Persian!" he wailed. Selene rolled her  
eyes and walked off, while Luke grabbed back his now bloodstained T-shirt.  
  
**()**  
  
"Giovanni is a fool," laughed The Guy In The Big Chair. "Cloaked Figure, I can't believe you  
used to work for him." a second Cloaked Figure walked in, only this one had a feminine voice.  
"Me either. Team Rocket was stupid." she said.  
"Aaah, Cloaked Figure F, always a pleasure." said The Guy, kissing the girl's hand. "Now where  
was I? Ahhh yes." he picked up his bottle of vodka and drank from it. "Now that Giovanni's   
bodyguard, that hideous Persian is practically dead from blood loss, we can go after the main  
target, Giovanni. HUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA!!!" Cloaked Figure and Cloaked Figure F laughed the  
same way.  
"How many times do I have to tell you to fuck off!? That's MY laugh!"  
  
**()**  
  
Our heros arrived at the PokéCenter just in time! The Persian woke up and dug its HUGE claws  
into Selene's back.  
"OUCH!" she wailed. Giovanni tsked at the Persian.  
"She's TRYING to help you!" he shouted. Selene smiled weakly.  
"I'm... ok..." she said. Luke folded his arms and made a face.  
"THAT'S why I don't like Persians." he muttered. They flopped the big beige panther cat on the  
Nurse's counter. Nurse Joy ran out from out back; this one seemed MUCH friendlier than the  
last.  
"Hello! Welcome to the PokéCenter! How may I-HOLY SHIT! That Persian is REALLY hurt! CHANSEY!  
GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" a Chansey was running as fast as its little pink legs could carry it  
while holding a stretcher. It tripped, and another Chansey ran out to help it. "Chanseys! Get  
this frickin' Persian on the stretcher, STAT!" the two pink things put the cat on the stretcher  
and sped out of the room. "We'll be back in a few hours. This cat will need to be operated on!"  
They all took a seat and waited.  
"What the hell are those things?" demanded Giovanni, referring to the Weakémon.  
"We're Weakémon!" shouted all the Weakémon, bouncing up and down as if the floor was a big  
trampoline. Giovanni fell out of his seat; he was scared as hell.  
"Waah! You can talk! Keep away, KEEP AWAY!" he wailed, clambering back to his seat. Luke had  
his arm around Selene, and they both laughed.  
"They're nothing to be scared of," said Luke, picking up his Scruffat. "They're perfectly  
harmless." Scruffat bit his finger. "OW! What the hell was the for!?" Scruffat shrugged. Selene  
cleared her throat.  
"What he means is, they're ALMOST nothing to be scared of." Luke nodded.  
"What she said."  
The group looked across the room simultaneously and saw some of those pay-videophone things.  
"Maybe we should call Professor Willow," Jed offered. Professor Willow, back at Peacock City,  
was the person who started people off as Pokémon trainers. The group walked across the room and  
picked up the phone to call the professor.   
"Hello?" said the startled woman, in her early 20s. She had been just in her teenage years when  
the group of four had gotten their starting Pokémon. She quickly realized who was calling. "Oh  
hi! How are you kids?" then she noticed Giovanni. "Oooh! H-hi Giovanni!" she giggled. There was  
obviously something going on between those two...  
"Professor Willow," began Selene. "There are these things running around called 'Weakémon'...  
have you ever heard of them?" the professor put a finger to her cheek, and thought for a minute.  
"Shit! Those are those little fuckers who can't attack!" she shouted.  
"Mommyyyy!" wailed some little brat. "That girl was swearing!" the mother of the brat came over  
and picked up the receiver.  
"Listen up, you poopy head!" shouted the mother. "If you don't stop your gosh darn swearing,   
I'm going to go to whereever it is you live and beat the poop out of you!" Professor Willow  
shrugged.  
"Why don't you make me, ya old bag!" she shouted. The woman looked offended.  
"OK! Well then, little missy, you could be taught some manners!" she shouted, making a fist.  
Professor Willow punched the screen, and it went totally blank.  
"Ah, fuck," she said in the background. Selene hung up.  
"Look what you made her do!" she screamed. "You stupid bitch! I oughta punch you in the nose  
right here and now!" the woman looked even more offended.  
"I'd like to see you try, you young ruffian, you!" she shouted.  
"Just because you're in front of your stupid fuckin' brat daughter, you start talking like a  
fucking baby! Well chew on this, ya hag!" Selene abruptly punched the woman in the nose, who  
fell over from shock. Her nose was bleeding like crazy.  
"THAT'S IT YOU TEENAGE BITCHFUCK!" screamed the woman, getting up. The kid looked astonished.  
"Mommy! Stop saying the bad swears!" she yelled.  
"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT! MOMMY'S FIGHTING!" the woman attempted to punch Selene, who ducked  
just in time. Luke stormed over.  
"NOBODY TRIES TO PUNCH MY GIRLFRIEND!" he punched the woman in the nose, and a loud CR-ACK! was  
heard. Her nose was broken. "I BET YOU'RE NOT EVEN A WOMAN!" The woman stood up, and took off  
her wig.  
"How did you know?" she said, in a more manly voice. Luke looked very, very scared and ran   
behind Selene.  
"Now I've seen everything." he said. James went over and suckerpunched the guy/woman, right  
in the eye! Instant bruise.  
"OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" yelled the man/woman. James just shrugged and turned away, but the  
man/woman did another attack! He kicked James right between the legs, causing him to fall to  
the ground. Giovanni was super pissed off. Even though James was a worthless nobody to him, he  
had quit the failing Team Rocket, and he was thankful for that. He ran over and kicked the  
man/woman right in the nuts... HARD. The man fell to the ground in pure agony and crumpled up  
into a ball. The kids (and one adult) turned around and sat down again, with James having slight  
difficulty to walk. The man was crying like a little fuckin' baby, still lying there waiting   
for some stupid prick to help him out. His daughter was just sitting in her chair, crying her   
little ass off (not literally!).  
  
Hours later, everyone was asleep (Selene had her head on Luke's shoulder, Billine's head on   
Jed's shoulder, and James' head on Giovanni's shoulder... what the fuck!?). They then heard a  
loud bell that woke them all up. All of them looked around and saw Giovanni's Persian looking  
very happy, standing on the counter with a bandage on his side.  
"Persian!" shouted Giovanni, happily running toward his pet. Suddenly, a loud BOOM! was heard,  
and shards of glass were flying everywhere as a giant tank blasted through the PokéCenter!  
Cloaked Figure and Cloaked Figure F were visable through the windshield of the tank!  
"SHIT!" shouted Nurse Joy. "I'd better call Officer Jenny!" The two Cloaked Figures laughed.  
"Not so fast, Nurse Girl." said Cloaked Figure, pressing a button that shot a missile at the  
telephone, leaving it dead. Two HUGE Weakémon; an overgrown donkey called Ass and an ugly ape  
called Kongyk entered from behind the tank...  
"It's show time!" they said in unison!  
  
~*END OF PART 2*~  
  
Woo... wasn't that even WORSE than part 1!? Part 3 coming soon! 


	3. Chapter 3

--DISCLAIMER--  
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.  
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...  
  
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 3  
  
Ass and Kongyk stepped up from their spot at the front of the tank, while Lingo, Bighead,   
Catnip, Scruffat, and GrapeJelly went to attack them.  
"Fuck!" screamed Luke. "You're no fuckin' match for them! They'll tear off your balls, chew  
on 'em, an' spit 'em out! You CAN'T beat 'em!" But, it all started out with GrapeJelly spraying   
some unkown gooey shit all over their fat asses, then Bighead and Scruffat going over and biting   
them, Lingo exploding on them, and finally with Catnip walking over to fart on them, which   
knocked those fuckers out. Luke was totally surprised.  
"Holy shit!" he screamed. "You took out those lard asses with just a few attacks! Fuck  
you're good!" The Weakémon grinned at him.  
"You're right," said GrapeJelly. "We are good. Go us." Just then, Cloaked Figure and Cloaked  
Figure F got out of the tank, both were lighting up a joint.  
"OK! Well you battled with them, now you battle with US!" said Cloaked Figure in his usual  
scratchy voice. James stood up.  
"Hey, you," he said, referring to Cloaked Figure. "You sound a hell of a lot familiar. Who are  
you?" Cloaked Figure passed the joint to Cloaked Figure F, who gratefully accepted. Cloaked   
Figure unveiled his hood to reveal!...  
"SHIT!" shouted James. "I KNEW you fuckin' sounded familiar! Dammit!" It was Butch. "And I   
suppose that chick there is Cassidy?" Cloaked Figure F nodded, and took off her hood, revealing  
her annoying face. "Thought so. So now... what the fuck are you doing here?" Cassidy and Butch  
were starting to get very high, so they started speaking gibberish.  
"Well fuck I went done got that pig off my ass and then painted it blue." James rolled his eyes  
and turned away.  
"Yeah... that answers my question."  
"Hey Butch," said Cassidy, in a voice as if to say she was coming on to him. "Let's do it, right  
here baby." Butch winked at her, and immediately started ripping off her clothes on the spot.   
Just then, Officer Jenny appeared.  
"OK, you two, you can fuck all you want after you go to jail, sound good?" she asked the two.  
The looked up from their... ahem... "time together" and nodded up at her.  
"Why can't I score like that?" wailed Catnip. The kid was still crying on the waiting chair.  
"Stop saying the bad swears!" she cried.   
"SHUT UP!" shouted everyone, looking at her. She stopped, and Officer Jenny dragged the   
screwing couple (Assidy and Bitch... er! I mean Cassidy and Butch) off to jail.  
"Shit." said Nurse Joy. "Those bastards... now I'll have to clean this whole damn place up."  
The KO'ed Ass and Kongyk were lying on the ground, and just then, about twelve Chanseys ran in...  
"Aww... we know what's gonna happen here..." groaned Luke, walking out the door. "Have fun,   
Joy."  
  
Much later, our group was back in those damn woods again, when they found another REAL Weakémon!  
It was a big wolf-type thing with scruffy, dark brown-red fur and eyes that gleamed like the   
moon. Catnip ran back a few feet.  
"Shit! You guys can take care of this one!" he said, cowering behind Luke. Scruffat rolled his  
eyes.  
"Pussy."  
"Ratass!" James seperated the two, who looked like they might beat the living crap out of  
eachother at any second.  
"Now, maybe we should leave this overgrown dog to the humans..." began James.  
"Fuck no!" screamed Jed. "Are you crazy!? We'll die, DIE! Go, Rhydon!" he threw his PokéBall  
to the ground, and a vicious smile spread across the big wolf's face.   
"Rhydon, huh?" he said. "Piece of cake." he lunged at the Rhydon, who pried him off with one  
finger and threw him into a tree trunk. The wolf's back was extremely sore, but he managed to  
limp off, muttering "Master Guy In The Big Chair will hear about this." under his breath, but  
just loud enough so James, Billine, Selene, Luke, Jed, Giovanni, and all the Weakémon could hear  
him. Giovanni looked alarmed.  
"D-did you just say 'Guy In The Big Chair'?" he shouted after the beast. The wolf snarled.  
"Yeh, I said it. What's it to yeh?" Giovanni shook his head, and the wolf limped his way  
back to wherever the hell he came from. Luke looked at Giovanni.  
"Uh, dude," he began. "What was that all about?" Giovanni looked at him.  
"Seems like the asshole behind this organization is my brother," he said. "My brother Guy, who  
always had the nickname 'The Guy In The Big Chair' because he used to sit around in a big ass   
chair all day long pretending to be special... and he always told me he was going to get rid  
of me one day... you see, we're twins and... ah, what the fuck am I saying!? I could beat him  
with my Persian!" Luke looked at him funny. "You see," Giovanni continued, attempting to explain.  
"My dad always taught me to train with Ground-type Pokémon, when he was the Viridian  
leader, and he gave me this Meowth, who is now a Persian... and my brother sat around in his big  
chair eating candy all day long while I beat the shit out of other Pokémon trainers in my   
community. He was pathetic." Luke nodded.   
"OK. I see." Selene put her hand in Luke's back pocket. Luke blushed. "Damn, woman!" They  
continued on for awhile, until they found... Cassidy and Butch! Sitting on a rock, smoking a   
cigarette. They stood up.  
"Wait a minute... how the FUCK did they escape!?" shouted Luke. The two (Cassidy and Butch)  
smiled from the rock they crawled out from... I mean, the rock they were sitting on ^_^;;;  
"Master Guy In The Big Chair bailed us, while we were still high..." said Butch, passing the  
cigarette to Cassidy. "But I must tell you, damn, that ain't the last stuff I'll spoke 'round  
you Cass, rowr!" James rolled his eyes.  
"Butch, time for you and me to fight." he said angrily. "And I don't mean with Pokémon." he made  
a fist, but Butch started laughing REALLY hard at him.  
"Y-YOU!? Mr. I-Like-To-Wear-Tutus-While-Jesse-Dresses-Like-A-Guy? Mr. Roses-Are-My-Specialty?  
Mr. My-Nuts-Are-The-Size-Of-Marbles?" James's eyes narrowed.  
"What the FUCK did you just say!?" he boomed. He didn't give a monkey's ass about the "I Like To  
Wear Tutus While Jesse Dresses Like A Guy" or the "Roses Are My Specialty", but the last one  
pissed him off to the height of pissed-off-ivity. His eyes began to glow an eerie bright red  
and the grass, dirt, and flowers within a five-inch radius of him tore off and flew into the  
cyclone that was forming around him. He was suddenly floating overtop a huge hole in the ground  
and everyone stepped back a few inches. James held his arms straight up in the air and a ball  
of glowing blue energy was floating in midair, above his arms. He shot it straight at Butch and  
Cassidy, who fell over, faces, clothes, EVERYTHING charred pure black, but they weren't dead...  
unfortunetly. James's eyes turned back to their natural forest green, but he ended up falling   
down the massive hole that had formed during his attack.   
"Shiiiiiiiiit...." he yelled as he fell down tens... hundreds... THOUSANDS of feet. Cassidy and  
Butch were knocked out, and the cigarette they were holding began to scorch their cloaks. The  
group - now of five - looked down the hole.  
"James!" shouted Selene. "James! JAMES! CAN YOU HEAR ME!" there was a sickening crunch from   
down the hole. "Well, shit, I guess he couldn't hear us, but we could hear him... damn, poor  
guy." Just then, a girl with blazing red hair and in a Team Rocket uniform swooped down from  
a nearby tree with a Meowth perched on her shoulder.  
"Fuck!" she screamed. "James!" Catnip looked at her, completely lovestricken.  
"Heyyy babaay," he said, walking closer to her. "I know James, maybe you and I should get  
acquainted!" and he abruptly looked up her skirt. Jesse screamed and kicked the horny little  
cat into the hole.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...." his voice trailed off, and another CRUNCH! was   
heard. Giovanni looked at Jesse.  
"Aaah, Jesse," he said. "I'm surprised you haven't quit Team Rocket by now. It's failing."  
Jesse's eyes widened.  
"I can quit?" she asked. Giovanni nodded. "WOOHOO!" then she remembered James, who had fallen  
down. She tsked.  
"Butch really had no need for saying that... James's nuts really AREN'T the size of marbles..."  
everyone's eyes widened as they looked at her.  
"And how would you know that?" they all asked. Jesse blushed.  
"Well you know, when you're partners in crime with someone of the opposite sex, you're bound  
to fool around every once in awhile." Giovanni was utterly revolted.  
"...Now I'm REALLY glad you both quit..." he said. Jesse shrugged.  
"It's not quite as bad as what you and Professor Willow have been doing." she replied. The   
four kids from Peacock City's eyes widened.   
"S-so that's why Willow was so flirty around you, gross." said Billine. Jed shrugged.  
"But not half as gross as what happened last night between Selene and Luke, that was fuckin'  
sick." he said. Luke and Selene shrugged.  
"We liked it." they said in unison. Scruffat then spoke up.  
"Uhm, hello people, BUT CATNIP AND JAMES JUST FELL DOWN THAT FUCKING HOLE! NOW ARE WE GONNA  
SIT HERE DRAGGING OUR ASSES AND WAITING FOR CASSIDY AND BUTCH TO WAKE UP OR ARE WE GONNA GO  
DOWN THERE AND GET OUR DAMN FRIENDS!?" everyone looked at the green rat.  
"Uhm... yeah... let's do that before he, uhm, gets pissed off..." said Luke, beginning to climb  
down the hole; Selene was on his back (his idea). Scruffat smiled at his success and hopped on   
Selene's head.  
  
**()**  
  
"*cough cough* Cloaked Figure and Cloaked Figure F reporting, sir." said Butch and Cassidy in  
unison, their bodies still quite black.   
"Fuck!" shouted The Guy In The Big Chair. "What the hell happened to you?" The two coughed  
again, and fell over.  
  
**()**  
  
James woke up in an hour, with his cat rested on his stomach, claws dug deep. James screamed and  
pushed Catnip off him, who abruptly woke up.  
"Whoooa... shit my neck hurts..." said the cat. James's stomach was bleeding from the big  
cat scratches, and his head was bleeding from the impact; he obviously thought he had a   
concussion but... he noticed he had landed on a big pile of mushy stuff... dog crap.  
"Ewww!" he shouted, leaping off the pile, but it was too late; he already smelled strongly of  
dog crap. "Maybe there's an underground river nearby. Catnip?" Catnip turned around.  
"I heard yeh. Let's go see if we can something. I think I hear some water running..." The   
Weakémon/human duo followed the sound of water. They eventually came across a pipe that was  
sticking out of the stone wall with water gushing out of it and landing in a small, square-shaped  
stone basin that was already full of water. James and Catnip jumped in and took a brief bath.  
"There, at least I don't smell like dog shit anymore." said James with a shrug. Then, the duo  
heard a snort from behind them.  
"Catnip, why did you just snort like that?" asked James. Catnip shook his head.  
"Wasn't me," he said. The two turned around to see...  
  
**()**  
  
"Ugh... Selene..." groaned Luke as he climbed down the rocky hole. "You're not getting any   
lighter." Selene looked offended.   
"Well excuuuuse me, if I'm not Miss Cindy Crawford of the PokéWorld," she said, rolling her  
eyes. Luke almost let go of the cliff.  
"No, baby, I didn't mean that! I meant that all this climbing with you on my back is really..."  
"Sexy?"   
"Other than that," Luke continued. "I mean, with your weight, Scruffat's weight, and having to  
pull my own, it adds up to be pretty heavy, ya know?" Selene looked slightly disheartened. "Hey,  
Lene, I'll make it up to you tonight, if ya know what I mean..." Selene grinned.  
"Kay!" Jed looked disgusted.  
"Enough with the sex talk!" he shouted. Billine was holding on tight to his back, but of course,  
he didn't mind. Jesse was on Giovanni's shoulders as well, just to hitch a ride and catch a few  
Z's at the same time. At one point in their journey down the hole, there was a small cliff  
where they rested, but only for about fifteen minutes, since they still had to scale the hole,  
which was not very big in width.  
Two hours later, everyone was exhausted, and they were at the bottom of the hole.  
"Here," said GrapeJelly. "I can make myself glow so you guys can all see where you're going!"  
but it was dark outside, so everyone objected.  
"It's too late!" wailed Selene.  
"My feet hurt," groaned Jed.  
"I can't go on..." whispered Billine, fainting into Jed's arms. Jed, of course, was a little  
turned on by this.  
"Lene and I'll go farther away from here with our tents, so you guys won't hear us." said Luke  
with a wink.   
"Good idea." said Jed. Lingo popped out of his bookbag, wide awake and happy as a clam... but   
wait... why the hell would clams be happy if their sole purpose for living is to be eaten by  
vile, disgusting human creatures? Awwww fuck it, it's just a saying.  
"Hey, are we all gonna have a party?" he asked. Everyone groaned. "What'd I say?"  
"Lingo," began Jed. "We just climbed down a hole for five hours. Of COURSE we're not going to  
have a party."  
"Oh."  
Selene and Luke walked about a mile (exhausted) before they found a good place where the others  
wouldn't hear them, and quickly set up the tent. They went inside and... got at it.   
  
**()**  
  
James and Catnip ran for their lives; what they saw was a BIG dragon (not FatDragon though) with  
blood red eyes and fangs the size of a human arm. They ran until they hit something; a big,  
fabric thing that was vibrating, alot, and loud groans could be heard from inside it. James   
tore open the tent (well if you didn't know it was gonna be a tent I think your IQ must be   
quite low) and their lay Luke and Selene, attempting to cover themselves up.  
"Hey, can I join in?" asked Catnip hopefully. Selene and Luke screamed.   
"HURRY!" yelled James, panting from the length he had ran. "Cover yourselves up with a towel or  
something, 'coz the dragon is gaining on us!" a panicked expression darted across the faces  
of Luke and Selene as they each grabbed a sleeping bag and wrapped it around themselves, then  
ran like hell outta there.  
"WAIT FOR US!" screamed Catnip and James as they ran after the two. They looked behind them,   
and saw the big dragon, continuing to chase them.  
"Catnip," James began, ceasing to run. "We're gonna have to fight him." Catnip stopped and   
looked at the dragon.  
"Fuck, no!" he said, shaking his head.  
"Well, what else are we gonna do?" he asked. Suddenly, Catnip looked even more determined.  
"You're right! What else ARE we gonna do?" James nodded.  
"That's the spirit. LUKE! SELENE! GET HELP!" he shouted after the running couple.  
"KAY!" they screamed in reply, and continued to run like hell. James and Catnip assumed fighting  
positions.  
"It's now or never, Catnip... and I never really got to see any of your attacks." said James.  
Catnip looked ready.  
"I'll fight this asshole to the death!" James looked surprised.  
"If you do, YOU might die! Here, I'll help." he said, sending out Weezing and Victreebel, who  
promptly put his mouth over James's head.  
"Dammit Victreebel! Attack the fuckin' dragon, not me!" Victreebel hopped off James and went   
over to the big dragon, and used Razor Leaf, which took a few clean slices off his skin.  
"Dammit!" shouted the dragon. "That hurt you little son of a bitch!" he went over and stepped  
on the Victreebel, who was about the size of a Pikachu to him. The Victreebel was flat as... uhm,  
a piece of paper?  
"Shit! Victreebel!" shouted James. He was almost ready to give up hope when...  
"I'll take that bitch out." said a loud voice from behind James. James turned around to see a  
big fuckin' lion standing behind him.  
"WAAAH! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" he screamed. "AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO CATNIP!?" the lion smiled  
knowingly.  
"I am Catnip." he said. "But in this form, you must call me Leono. I can't be in this form for  
long, it's the Weakémon's Evolution Code." James looked confused.  
"Tell me more about this after, OK?" he replied. "But for now, KICK THIS GUY'S ASS!"  
  
**()**  
  
"Well," began The Guy, lighting a cigar. "If this dragon doesn't keep those two pricks on the  
run for awhile, nothing will. Perhaps it will even..." he began with a sneer.   
"Kill them?" finished Cloaked Figure and Cloaked Figure F. The Guy In The Big Chair smirked.  
"Perhaps." he said.  
  
**()**  
  
Selene and Luke ran into the small camp area, sporting their sleeping bags just in time for  
them to fall over, totally out of energy. Luke crawled to a tent and shook it.  
"What the fuck!" yelled Giovanni from inside. He opened the tent door and saw Luke, who was   
panting for air.  
"James... huff puff... and Catnip... huff puff... big dragon... huff... trouble... that way..."  
he weakly pointed a finger at the direction in which he and Selene had just come from. "Bring...  
help..." he then fainted from the exhaustion.  
*I wish he'd put on some clothes, yuck man,* he thought. He grabbed a pan and a spoon from   
midair and started hitting the pan with the spoon.  
"WAKE UP EVERYONE!" he yelled. "WE'VE GOT AN EMERGANCY HERE!" everyone ran out of their tents  
in their PJs, and the Weakémon followed close behind.  
"James and Catnip are back that way.." he began, pointing a finger at the same direction as   
where Luke and Selene had come from. "And from what Luke's been telling me, they're in trouble.  
We HAVE to help them." Jed nodded in agreement; he owed James big time.  
"We've gotta help them!" just then, a HUGE rat, a HUGE mouse, a humungous mass of purple   
jelly and a sphere the size of an Electrode with a face rolled around.  
"Huh? Who the hell are you?" said Jesse as Meowth exited the tent. The sphere rolled to her.  
"My name is Tetherball, the others will be introduced briefly, now hurry and get on our backs  
before time runs out!" Since all of them were so enormous, they were able to fit Jesse, Giovanni,  
and Jed on the former Bighead and Billine, Luke, Selene, and Meowth on the former Scuffat.  
"Do we got everybody?" asked the big rat. "Good. Hang on motherfuckers! This ride's gonna be  
a fast one!"  
  
~*END OF PART 3*~  
  
Now I'm accepting comments! Man, am I a moron! stoopid_cooper@hotmail.com (and yes, that IS my  
real e-mail address) 


	4. Chapter 4

--DISCLAIMER--  
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.  
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...  
  
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 4  
  
Finally, the humungous Weakémon arrived on the scene where Leono was beating the living shit out  
of that stupid dragon, but was also getting the living shit beat out of himself.   
"TetherBall! GellatinMass! BigRat! Hugechu! I'm... so glad your here..." he said as he fell   
backwards in a faint.   
"We can beat 'im," said Tetherball. "He's already weak as hell." Hugechu ran over and Hyper  
Fanged the beatly dragon, who fell over in pain.  
"'Chu' on a bit of that, assmunch!" shouted Hugechu, striking a cool pose. Just then, Selene and  
Luke were SO tired that they fell asleep... on top of eachother...  
"Damn, those two are horny." muttered Giovanni.  
"I wouldn't talk, Mr. Willow." added Jesse, nudging Giovanni in the gut. His face turned bright  
red.  
"Uh... well you and James like to screw too, so I wouldn't talk!"  
"Shut your hole!"  
"You shut yours, bitch!" And with that, Jesse and Giovanni started making out. James fumed.  
"HEY!!! She's MY slut!" Jesse stopped making out with Giovanni and went over to James.  
"Sorry about before. Wanna make out?" she asked innocently.  
"Do I ever!" they stopped everything and began making out on the cave floor.  
"Well... erm... let's continue the battle?" guessed GellatinMass, looking confused. The other   
Weakémon had the same expression on their faces.  
"Yeah, uh, good idea?" offered BigRat. The dragon was getting less and less weak, and it was   
just able to stand.  
"Lovely Kiss!" shouted GellatinMass, pressing her fat lips against the dragon's hideous cheek.  
It promptly fell asleep, with a small bubble coming out of his nose. "HAHA! LOOOOSER!" BigRat  
stepped forward.  
"TAIL WHIP!" he screamed.  
"Whoa! Hang on there dude!" yelled TetherBall, stopping BigRat's attack. "You expect to defeat  
this ho with a TAIL WHIP!? Nuh-uh. Use your motherfuckin' SECRET WEAPON!"  
"B-but..." began BigRat. "If I use my SECRET WEAPON, I'll go back to Scruffat!" TetherBall   
sighed.  
"If you DON'T, we'll all be fucked. What's it gonna be?" BigRat started to sweat. He looked  
around... and then...  
"FUCK IT! SECRET WEAPON!" a humungous wave of dark green energy enveloped the area. "Help me  
out guys!"  
"SECRET WEAPON!" the rest of the evolved Weakémon yelled. For GellatinMass, the energy was  
purple. For TetherBall, yellow. For HugeChu, bright pink. Even Leono mustered (huhuhu, musTERD)  
enough strength to stand and use his SECRET WEAPON attack, and his energy was dark brown. This  
all combined to make a really hideous gray colour (even Jesse and James stopped making out to  
watch) and it totally took out the dragon, who evaporated into a bunch of dust. All the evolved  
Weakémon went back into their original forms. Jesse and James resumed making out.  
"OK, what the HELL just happened here, can someone tell me!?" screamed Billine.  
"Gladly," Lingo spoke up. "You see, we can't evolve for too long. If our partner or owner is  
in trouble, then it is okay to evolve, but if they're not, we are doomed to be... well, dead,  
forever, that is the Weakémon's Evolution Code." Jed blinked a few times, taking this all in.  
"Well, fuck me!" he exclaimed. Billine giggled.  
"Okay! Any bushes nearby?" Jed's eyes widened and he blushed, a noticable lump forming in his  
pants.  
"W-well... eeehehehehehe..." Just then, a voice came from the shadows, and the ember of a lit  
cigarette flickered.  
"You think you're done?" said the scratchy voice, dropping the cigarette and stepping on it.  
"Think again." Butch emerged from the shadows, Cassidy following close behind. Jesse and James  
stopped making out.  
"Shit! Why do you keep following us!? GO AWAY YOU PRICKS!!!" yelled James.  
"Oooh James... you're so manly!" Jesse giggled. Then she looked at Cassidy. "Oh... it's...   
YOU..." she said, eyes narrowing. "What do YOU want?" Cassidy smirked.  
"To beat YOU assholes. C'mon, let's battle." she replied. Jesse shook her head.  
"Nuh-uh. No way. We'd kick your ass too badly." Cassidy started to laugh.  
"What the fuck! WHATEVER!" Lingo rolled over and used Explosion on Cassidy and Butch, which   
made them sail clear through the cave roof. That was the last they saw of those bitches for   
months.  
"Thank God... now we can get back to makin' out, James!" said Jesse, pulling James back down on  
top of her.  
"Immature fools," muttered a voice within the shadows.  
"FUCK!! NOT ANOTHER ONE! JUST STEP OUT SO WE CAN SEE WHO THE HELL YOU ARE FOR FUCK SAKES!!!"  
screamed Jed. The figure stepped out.  
"Guy." muttered Giovanni.  
"Giovanni." muttered The Guy In The Big Chair. "So, now we see who's better. The Weakémon   
trainer, or the Pokémon trainer. Let's have a match, dear brother, power versus pocket." Giovanni  
nodded.  
"Good enough. If I win, you give up your ways of trying to rule the world. If you win, you get  
the Viridian Gym, and Professor Willow." Guy's eyes widened.  
"I get that hot chick!? You seem TOO sure of yourself. But very well. Your Pokémon are DEAD.  
Go MONSQUI!" A horrendously ugly mixture of a squirrel and a monkey popped out of the WeakéBall,  
but instead of attacking Giovanni's Persian, the Monsqui began attacking Guy!  
"What the hell are you doing!? Get off me!" the Monsqui continued attacking Guy, and would not  
stop.  
"No way. You always told us how ugly and worthless we were. NOW YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT WITH YOUR  
LIFE! Come on guys, come out!" the other 3 WeakéBalls attached to Guy's belt opened to reveal  
more odd-looking creatures, who also attacked Guy. Within minutes, he was dead. Jesse and James  
stopped making out for a minute.   
"Giovanni, I'm sorry... him being your brother and all..." said Jesse, putting her hand on   
Giovanni's shoulder.  
"You know what, Jesse?" asked Giovanni. "I actually don't care. If what the Monsqui said was  
true, then he deserved it." The Monsqui piped up.  
"He killed a lot of our friends, too, because they 'weren't strong enough'. We were chosen to   
battle you, but we realized YOU weren't the bad guy; HE was. So we killed him. He killed my   
baby brother. He deserved it, the selfish asshole." James paused.  
"Hang on a sec! You guys! If Guy is dead and Cassidy and Butch are off flying away someplace,  
that means that we won!" Everyone agreed; they were the victors! (SCRIPT PERSON: Err, Editor,  
their names weren't Victor... EDITOR: I know that, numbnuts! THEY WON! You know... victor for  
victory? SCRIPT PERSON: Ah, fuck it, keep writing.)  
"Sweet!" said Luke, waking up. "You guys know what this means?" nobody knew, so they all shook  
their head. "Dammit! Come on! You guys gotta know!" Selene woke up, and everyone shook their  
heads again. "...man you are really all a bunch of fudgepackers. This means we gotta have a good  
victory screw! A big orgy!" Everyone "aaah"ed and nodded their heads.  
"Jesse, I do believe it's been a month since we last had sex." James added. Jesse nodded.  
"TOO LONG," she replied.  
"Well, Jeddie, looks like you'll be getting a taste of me tonight." giggled Billine, using her  
finger to trace little circles on Jed's chest.  
"Damn! I can't wait!" he shouted in excitement.  
"Erm, only one problem..." said Selene. Everyone looked at her in confusement. (EDITOR: Is that  
even a word?) "HOW THE FUCK DO WE GET OUT OF HERE!?" everyone sighed.  
"The same way we got in, I suppose." said Luke. "But first, let's have our orgy, so we won't be  
too tired by the time we climb up the hill." everyone agreed and pulled out a tent.  
"Wait a minute," began Giovanni. "Who am I gonna have sex with? Willow's not here..."  
just then, a familiar voice sang through the darkness.  
"Oh Giovanni, shexshy! I'm he-ere!" it was Professor Willow. She hugged Giovanni and they ran  
into a tent, which started to move after two seconds. Billine pulled Jed in a tent, Jesse pulled  
James in, and Selene pulled in Luke.  
"Ah, crap," said Meowth. "I don't want Jesse and James together... that's just... nasty..." he  
muttered. All the tents were shaking violently, and loud moans were echoing throughout the cave.  
The Weakémon, Meowth, and Persian curled up and tried to get to sleep, but couldn't from all the  
sex that was going on.  
  
The next morning they got up and unpitched their tents.  
"Holy shit, Billine," said Jed. "Have you done that before?" he was referring to the night  
before. Billine shook her head.  
"Nope. Never. You weren't bad yourself, sexy boy."  
Much later, everyone was done bragging about how great their sex partners were and were climbing  
up the hole side toward the top, with each girlfriend hanging onto her boyfriend's back, and  
the Weakémon (and Pokémon) sitting on the head of each girlfriend. Five hours later, they FINALLY  
reached the top and sat back to catch their breaths.  
"Hey, I have a question," began Jed. "Okay, James, how the FUCK did you make that big hole in  
the ground and blast the living shit out of Assidy and Bitch? Er... Cassidy and Butch..."  
James laughed.  
"Well..."  
  
END OF PART 4!  
  
HAHA! Sorry to end that so fast, but you're all gonna have to wait until part 5 to hear what  
James has to say. I'm still accepting comments. stoopid_cooper@hotmail.com 


	5. Chapter 5

--DISCLAIMER--  
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.  
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...  
  
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 5  
  
"...I really have no idea, it just sort of happened!" everyone fell over.  
"Smart, James, real smart." muttered Meowth. "You're an even bigger idiot than I thought!"  
"SHUT UP, Meowth!" growled Jesse through clenched teeth. Just then, a hologram of a FatDragon  
came out of thin air.  
"Hey, bitches!" it shouted. "Hey James, you wanna find out what the fuck happened with the   
fuckin' spell back there, huh bitch?" James nodded. "Fuckin' great! I know where you can find  
out! All you bitches head up that fuckin' mountain up there-" he pointed to a large mountain   
behind them. "-and you'll find out why the hell that motherfuckin' spell came and what you can  
do about the motherfuckin' thing, okay bitch? Now you hurry up that fuckin' mountain and be on  
your way, ya fuckin' bitches!" the hologram disappeared. James paused.  
"That was odd," he said after a moment.  
"He swears more than my grandma." remarked Luke.  
"I guess we'd better listen to that stupid dragon, or who knows what might happen? We might  
be attacked by another Weakémon and James might fall down another hole." said Jed.  
"Yeah, we'd better hurry." Selene added. The group headed up the hill.  
*AND NOW FOR A THOUGHT SEQUENCE*  
Jed: Damn! I want Billine! Maybe I can coax her over to those bushes...  
Billine: Damn! I want Jed! Maybe I can get him over behind that rock...  
Luke: I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady...   
Selene: I'm hungry. Maybe Luke left something in his back pocket...  
Jesse: *fantasizing James as her slave* On your knees!  
James: *fantasizing Jesse as his slave* On your knees!... and while you're at it, give me a   
blowjob!  
Giovanni: How the hell did Willow get here!? Bah, who cares. Maybe I could just get her behind  
that tree...  
Willow: I wish I could read people's minds. That would be cool. Huhuhuhu... I bet they're all   
thinking about sex right now. Wait... I KNOW they are.  
Meowth: Why is that Catnip thing humping a tree..?  
Catnip: Ooooh yeah, baby!  
Scruffat: Hey, GrapeJelly looks pretty hot today. Maybe I should ask her out.  
GrapeJelly: Hey, BigHead looks pretty hot today. Maybe I should ask him out.  
BigHead: Hey, Scruffat has a pretty nice ass. Maybe I should ask him out.  
Persian: A MOUSE... A MOUSE!... and a rat too... mmm... damn I'm hungry...  
*END THOUGHT SEQUENCE*  
"Hey, are we almost there yet? These pumps are murder on my feet." said Billine. Jed looked at  
her for a second.  
"You know..." he began. "AW HELL!" he ran over to her and picked her up.  
"Thanks, Macho-Man!" giggled Billine, wrapping her arms around Jed. "My knight in sexy armour."  
Selene rolled her eyes.  
"Oh brother." she muttered. She had her hand in Luke's back pocket. *Hey... here's some candy!*  
she thought, digging it out of Luke's pocket and popping it into her mouth discreetly.  
"Hey, look!" said Jesse, pointing over the horizon. "We're at a flat piece of land! We should   
rest here." everyone sat down and rested their feet. Selene pulled a picnic basket out of   
nowhere.   
"Anybody hungry? I'm STARVING! I have a sudden craving for a peanut butter and pickle sandwich.  
Anybody else?" everyone looked at her strangly.  
"Uhm, Selene, are you okay?" asked Luke, looking concerned.  
"Great! Never been better! BUT I'M STARRRVING!!! Let's see... what do we have in here... AHA!  
Here we go! Pickles, bread, and peanut butter!" she made a sandwich and shoved it all in her  
mouth. Everyone looked as if they might puke.  
"HeeeEEEeey! Can I have one of those?" asked Catnip in a high voice.  
"Awww, that is fuckin' sick, Selene! No sex for you tonight!" shouted Luke. Selene's hair   
raised up on end and her eyes started to glow like a demon from hell (no, she wasn't casting a   
spell, she was just REALLY pissed off).   
"FINE THEN! FUCK YOU!" she screamed at him. She ran behind a tree and started to cry.  
"Holy shit!" exclaimed Luke, his eyes growing wide. "I was only joking! I didn't know she wanted  
me, the Sex-Master that bad! Damn! I'd better go cheer her up!" Luke ran off behind the tree.  
"...Ooookay..." said James. "I'm gonna go to sleep now... if Selene has another hissy fit   
remind me to go back to another country." the others agreed.  
  
Hours later, James woke up, and they continued on up the mountain. By then, it was five o'clock.  
Selene had already eaten some wildberries that grew nearby (and that INCLUDES the plant they   
grew on) and was munching on an acorn as they continued. By the time suppertime came around,   
she had eaten sixty wild strawberries, thirty-seven wild raspberries, and fifty-eight   
blackberries (but who's counting?), and the group coincidentally came across a river. With fish.  
Oh joy! They caught some (and Selene ate half of them) and fed them to everybody in the group.  
After that, everyone was full and tired, so they went off to bed (no sex tonight. Everybody was  
so damn tired they fell asleep the moment their heads hit their pillows).   
  
The next morning, everyone was awakened by the charming sound of Selene puking her guts out  
behind a bush. Everyone ran out to see what the commotion was about. Ten minutes after everyone  
had come out, Selene finally stopped heaving. Jed put his hand to his cheek.  
"I just thought of a good explanation for what's been going on with Selene lately, and Luke,  
I'm not sure whether you'll like this or not..." Luke looked at Jed.  
"Just tell me what the HELL is going on here, and I'll be fine." Jed cleared his throat.  
"Well, Luke, I think that Selene is pregnant." Luke's eyes widened and his pupils dilated. Then  
he fainted dead away.  
  
He woke up when Billine threw a bucket of freezing cold water over him.  
"AAAH! SHIT!" he wailed. Then he remembered what Jed had just said. "HOLY FUCK MAN!!! I'M  
GONNA BE A FATHER!!!" Jed nodded.  
"Looks like it. Heh, good luck." Luke groaned.   
"Thanks, man. Well, heyyy, I'm gonna be a daddy! I don't know if that's good or bad... for the  
baby I mean..." everyone laughed.  
"Sounds like bad news for the baby." said James. "I'm sure its first word will be 'fuck'."  
Again, more laughter.  
"Hey! Fuck you!... well I guess you have a point there..." said Luke with a shrug.  
"Well," began Giovanni. "It looks like somebody forgot to use a condom." Luke's eyes grew wide.  
"Screw you, man! I'd rather not talk about this right now!" Giovanni shrugged. Luke walked  
over to Selene's side.  
"Selene... honey? Are you okay?" Selene looked at him.  
"You called me honey!? What's wrong with you!?" she asked in a surprised tone. Luke laughed a  
little.  
"Well, uhm, yeah, I did. Looks like we're having a baby, Selene..." Selene nodded.  
"Isn't it great!... BUT SHIT!!! WE'RE ONLY EIGHTEEN!!!" Luke smiled softly.  
"Bah, it's okay. Hey, um, Lene, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." he said,  
slowly reaching for his back pocket. He got down on his knees, and fetched a small case from   
a pocket.  
"Selene, will you marry me?" Selene fainted.  
  
Later, Selene returned his question with a "yes". The two had been going out for two years, but  
recently they had stopped acting like it, but after that encounter with FatDragon, their   
relationship had gone back to the way it was before. At noon, the group continued up the   
mountain.  
"Almost... there..." huffed James. Hours later. Then, they finally arrived at the top of the  
mountain!  
"Yay! We're here!" cheered Jesse. She promtly fainted.  
"How did I KNOW that was going to happen?" James asked the air as he removed his jacket and   
rolled it into a ball. He placed it softly on the ground and put Jesse's head underneath it. He  
stole Luke's waterbottle ("Hey! Fuck you! I'm fuckin' thristy! Don't touch my fuckin' water   
bottle you fuckin' ho!") and gave some to Jesse, who was sawing logs. She coughed a few times and  
woke up.  
"Thanks, sexy," she said to James, who blushed. Just then, some dude with big eyes, spiky  
blue hair and HUGE ears flew out of the sky on a cloud.  
"Yo! James, my bro!" he shouted from his cloud. James's eyes grew quite wide.  
"HOLY SHIT! Fidj! I can't believe it!" he ran over to the dude on the cloud (apparently his name  
was Fidj). Jesse paused.  
"Okay, did I miss something? Who the fuck is this guy!?" James grinned.  
"This is my brother, Fidj! He's a Saiyan! AND NOW I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED!!!" everyone looked  
at James sideways. "Okay, let me explain. I was hanging 'round the DBZ world, raidin' the fridge,  
when I noticed we were out of milk. Mom had always told me that milk was better on the other side  
of town, so while trying to get there on my flying cloud, I got lost and took a wrong turn. I  
ended up here with no memory of what had happened so I joined Team Rocket. I was getting pretty  
close to achieving a high power level before I left, too." everyone blinked a few times as they  
took this in.  
"Cool!" they all said. And so now we all know what happened! Everyone is happy! Except ALL OF  
A SUDDEN... DUN DUN DUUUUN!  
"You pathetic losers, all happy and triumphant. I shall soon change that!" it was Mewtwo!  
"Mewtwo, dude, what the fuck are you doing here?" asked Luke.  
"Shut up. That is none of your business." muttered Mewtwo, tossing a three-fingered rubber  
glove into a cave behind him.   
"Duuuude... nobody needs to see that..." groaned Luke, putting on his shades.  
"Yo, Mewtwo, why do you wanna kill us and shit?" said Jed, walking toward Mewtwo. Mewtwo glared  
at him.  
"You ruined my... uh... time alone." he said.  
"Duuuuude!" groaned Luke.  
"Shut up." said Mewtwo. "Anyway, you will all have the biscuit as I terrorize you with my   
awesome psychic powers!" Everyone sat down, eating biscuits.  
"NO YOU INFADELS!!! I MEANT HAVE THE BISCUIT, DIE! IT'S A METAPHOR!" everyone stopped eating   
biscuits.  
"Hang on, Mewtwo, do you even have a..." began Luke.  
"OH JUST SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo. "SO NOW!!! I will kill you all for interrupting me!"  
"DUDE! He was just having a reunion with his brother! That is fuckin' weak! It ain't our fault,  
you old wanker!" Mewtwo's eyes glowed red.  
"I AM NOT A WANKER!" he screamed in everyone's heads. Just then, the FatDragon who had called  
the teens before came out.  
"Hey you motherfuckin' bitches! What's goin' on in the fuckin' hizouse!" Luke rolled his eyes.  
"Yep. Even more than my grandma." he muttered. "And that's pretty bad."   
"Come on you fuckin' bitches! What the fuck's goin' on!" then, the gang realized that FatDragon  
was standing right over Mewtwo!  
"Hey, uhm, FatDragon, why don't you take a seat?" Billine suggested. FatDragon smiled.  
"Don't fuckin' mind if I fuckin' do, bitch!" he sat down, and squashed Mewtwo.  
"HEEEEY! GET OFFA ME!" Mewtwo screamed telepathetically. FatDragon stood up and turned around.  
The kids could see Mewtwo squished on FatDragon's ass. They laughed. Hard. Until Mewtwo popped  
out to normal size and started to attack!  
"PSYBEAM!" he wailed, shooting a tremendous psychic beam toward the group, but LUCKILY the  
Weakémon evolved and reflected the attack.  
"HEY, BITCH!" shouted FatDragon. "Why don't you fuckin' stop pickin' on them poor fuckin'   
bitches!? FLAMETHROWER!" Mewtwo was black. PURE black. He crumbled into tiny pieces of black  
dust with two eyeballs resting on top.  
"DANGIT!" screamed Mewtwo. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! FEEL MY WRATH!" Just then, a huge hand  
holding a feather duster descended from the sky and "cleaned up Mewtwo".  
"HAWHAW! I fuckin' did it! And I fuckin' raised a fuckin' level while I was at it, too! Holy  
fuck! I kick fuckin' ass!" laughed FatDragon. You know, it would have made more sense if he  
had said "I AM fuckin' ass!" but you know, whatever.  
  
--FIVE YEARS LATER--  
Everyone has a life!  
  
Jesse, James, Meowth, Catnip: Jesse and James are married with one kid (he's only one year old   
so they can still have sex like every night), and Meowth is the household cat who actually treats  
people with respect now (yes, it IS a miracle). Catnip is usually selling catnip at Weakémon  
strip bars all over the place. I think you can catch him this Saturday, as a matter of fact.  
  
Willow, Giovanni, Persian: Giovanni and Willow got married a year after Mewtwo was killed, but  
Giovanni was too impotent to have kids. Persian learned how to talk thanks to Meowth, and now  
they're friends!  
  
Selene, Luke, Bighead, Scruffat: Selene and Luke got married six months after Mewtwo's fall.  
It was a very cheap wedding. Selene had a healthy baby (who is now nine, by the way) and they  
also have three more kids: a seven-year-old, and two three-year-olds (twins). Bighead and  
Scruffat ended up falling in love, and now Weakémon of the same gender everywhere were getting  
together and... you know... Luke is a cigar salesman, and he gets company discounts. Their house  
stinks.  
  
Billine, Jed, GrapeJelly and Lingo: No babies here, just SEX, SEX, SEEEEX! GrapeJelly and Lingo  
can't stand eachother now. Jed ended up being a Weakémon engineer and they both learned a lot.  
  
Fidj: This dude moved back to the DBZ land. He didn't like the Pokémon world. It frightened him.  
  
FatDragon: This guy continued to swear worse than Luke's grandma and ended up getting a large  
fine for swearing in a public Weakémall in front of little children. So after that he stayed in  
his house and sat on his fat ass all day eating eclairs.   
  
Mewtwo: This guy spent the rest of his life in a garbage can... that is, until he got moved to  
the city dump.  
  
END OF PART 5, END OF STORY!  
  
OK! Now THAT was stupid. I was so tired I didn't even know what I was writing half the time!   
Well, the series is over, and I hoped you liked reading it. i think it was kinda funny. Well feel  
free to tell me what you think of it! stoopid_cooper@hotmail.com 


End file.
